Author Archives: efrat
5 Years. No evidence of tumor
Apparently, I have NO Cancer.
I can insure my life again, if I want to.
It’s 5 years since my Diagnosis,
and my MRI results say,
that my spine is a mass,
But, apparently,
I have NO Cancer.
The return of IT
As an OPTION
The returning to The Smells & The Sights & The Sounds
Are still totally ALIVE
in my Body.
The Fear.
I thought I’d continue everything, that I anyway do
I thought I might try first, other Treatment Methods
I thought of my KIDS
I thought of my Hair
I thought of all my metastatic friends.
I knew it was not a life sentence.
And only then, when I felt I was ready for it all,
I opened the envelope,
that I brought home, 51 minutes before.
It seems that my spine is a mass,
but
IT IS NOT CANCER!!!!
Hallelujah!
Thanks God for AFTER TREATMENT.
[Now I can go back to treating my spine and all my other After Treatment symptoms: my joints, my skin, my concentration, my memory, my teeth, my gums, my sleep, my awaiting reconstruction no. 4]
And finally, a little tale with a moral: My Grandma, (who died of Breast and Ovarian Cancer at the age of 58) used to say: Got, shrek mich, uber shtroof mich nicht…
which is in Yiddish: God, scare me, but don’t punish…
And though I don’t believe that punishment and guilt, have anything to do with cancer, I find the fact that SHREK is eventually a nice Jewish guy, worth spreading…
5 years later
Five years later,
Same corridor.
Evening falls on the medical center.
It takes one to know, what I mean.
On my way to a PET CT.
I was thinking, I’d be on my way, to
5 years CURED.
Maybe…
Results will arrive in 10 working days.
It’s Independence Day in Israel next week.
Only one day after Memorial Day.
My body reActs badly to the Hospital SmeLLs.
The visions are familiar and carry nausea and fatigue.
I am Detached.
I am RadioActive.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Don’t open your EYES.
Imagine you are in an open field.
Think Positive.
Don’t think.
We’re done.
Ten working days. Excluding memories.
I am not Afraid, neither Certain.
Innocent, until proven guilty.
Inhale. Exhale.
The SHAVE Take 1
MY KIDS.
MY VERY BEST FRIEND.
ONE ELECTRIC RAZOR.
ME & MY CANCER are going P U B L I C
THE SOUNDTRACK (Kids choice)
Part of me wished for a heroic death:
It was my HAIR
And I was George Berger !
Going to a war I never chose,
Wearing smells from laboratories
Facing a dying option…
That very same night, I wrote a note to self:
Giving up is NOT an Option
This note stayed on top of my board for 3 years.
Let the Sunshine in.
Thanks(for)Giving
- Thoughts and Wishes for Thanksgiving
(following this week’s #BCSM‘s Live chat on Acceptance and Shiri’s Life Sentence)
The biggest change CANCER made in
My Mind
Is the presence of
Death
As an existing Possibility
at any Given MOMENT.
LIVING
With That Presence
makes me
LIVE
each day to it’s fullest.
Do I thank Cancer !?
CANCER
has made
ME
A WOMAN ON A MISSION
IT had made ME become
The Woman I would want to be
If I had only let myself Dream that far…
It MOTIVATED Me.
It Exposed Me to MORE
LOVE & Generosity
One can ever IMAGINE
cancer had taught me the power of Social Media, it exposed me to So Much Knowledge, Needs, Concerns, And A HUGH InterNational, InterCultural, InetrRaccial Growing Community of Under Seen & Heard Women, That need A revolution, and So many of them, whom are Determined to CHANGE the WORLD.
Do I thank Cancer !?
I Accept it.
Cancer forces you to face the fact, that This Life,
is the Only 1 ONE can Live.
Reality Is the Only Option,
And Therefor, it better be
The Best.
H A P P Y T H A N K S G I V I N G TO A L L
And Some Peace & Quite to ALL of us, in the Middle East
Rapunzel
At first, ALL I could think about, were THE CHILDREN
then,
The thought of DEATH went through my head
But, from the moment it reached there, whenever I thought of myself,
It was ALL
about my
HAIR
For 6 weeks -
The time between my diagnosis and the beginning of chemotherapy -
I had only
Great HAIR Days.
I woke up with the WEirdeSt head ace EVER
It felt as if someone was pulling
Each
Hair
s e p a r a t e l y .
It was Exactly 2 weeks, after my 1st Chemo.
Exactly the way THEY said it would be.
Next Day was
my
SHAVING DAY
Denial is not only a river – October conclusions
It was 1974 when Betty ford declared her Breast Cancer diagnosis, and changed the world of Breast Cancer forever.
The 1st Lady, talking openly about the “C word” and sharing details about mastectomy and treatments, has distinguished the blame, that was an integral part of being a breast cancer patient until then, and made it sure that each and every woman in the US would be aware of the diseases.
20 years later, Evelyn Lauder thought it was time for awareness to go farther, deeper and higher, and together with Alexandra Penney the editor of Self magazine, founded the Breast Cancer Research Foundation, and formalized the pink ribbon as its symbol.
The conversation was changed; now, it was not only about the Awareness, this time it was also about raising money, a lot of money. For 20 years, Breast Cancer awareness charities and organizations are raising money for research, screenings and support groups and facilities. Women today are aware of the disease and its signs, the importance of early detection and the risks, like never before, but that is not enough anymore. The conversation has to change again.
No pink KFC buckets donation, is worth the damage this awful food is doing to the body of the eater, and no headless chic with huge breast is doing any good to the cause. And by the way the cause, well it’s about time it stopped being about early detection, and became the search for prevention and eventually, a cure.
At first, when Cancer took me online, I was looking for information, research and statistics. Later, I began searching for solutions and products, for my ever changing needs.
I was spending most of my bed times online, and was amazed when I realized, there was almost no online presence, regarding the quality of life of women facing breast cancer. There’s been a lot about the “before” and a race and a walk for the “after”, but in the meantime, the “during”, the present, It seemed that diagnosis made me transparent…
I couldn’t figure out how it was possible, that there were so many of us, and so much PR on our disease, and our day to day life, were an aspect that no one seemed to care about, (not counting drug or insurance companies…).
It didn’t take me long to understand that the disease, the awareness and the cure were all much bigger issues than the women they claim to take care of or represent.
I started searching for new conversation, I got lucky and found the sharp and bright chemobabe – who lead my way to an inspiring, enlightening, educating and life changing group of amazons who broadened my horizons and changed the kind of Survivor and advocate that I am.
It is the end of October 2012, and after 20 pink years, this year I think that you can clearly hear new voices. There’s a new approach making its way towards a significant change in priorities, there is an ongoing improvement in treatment and in the attitude towards women living with metastases, and towards prevention.
A new Breast Cancer language and literature, is being written in blogs and on twitter, there’s a democracy of voices and opinions, the unseen bare truth of what Breast Cancer is all about, is all out there, and Advocacy succeeds in making a real progress.
Thanks God, it is the end of October, it’s been long and pink, and to celebrate its ending, tomorrow I have an appointment with my Oncologist and maybe, get the results of my MRI.
At the end of the day, awareness, as far as it went, has yet, saved the life of many of us… I hope that in 20 years, all of this would seem irrelevant…
Wish me luck
