Angelina Jolie and myself (!) on the cover of Haaretz Magazine
Apparently, I have NO Cancer.
I can insure my life again, if I want to.
It’s 5 years since my Diagnosis,
and my MRI results say,
that my spine is a mass,
I have NO Cancer.
The return of IT
As an OPTION
The returning to The Smells & The Sights & The Sounds
Are still totally ALIVE
in my Body.
I thought I’d continue everything, that I anyway do
I thought I might try first, other Treatment Methods
I thought of my KIDS
I thought of my Hair
I thought of all my metastatic friends.
I knew it was not a life sentence.
And only then, when I felt I was ready for it all,
I opened the envelope,
that I brought home, 51 minutes before.
It seems that my spine is a mass,
IT IS NOT CANCER!!!!
Thanks God for AFTER TREATMENT.
[Now I can go back to treating my spine and all my other After Treatment symptoms: my joints, my skin, my concentration, my memory, my teeth, my gums, my sleep, my awaiting reconstruction no. 4]
And finally, a little tale with a moral: My Grandma, (who died of Breast and Ovarian Cancer at the age of 58) used to say: Got, shrek mich, uber shtroof mich nicht…
which is in Yiddish: God, scare me, but don’t punish…
And though I don’t believe that punishment and guilt, have anything to do with cancer, I find the fact that SHREK is eventually a nice Jewish guy, worth spreading…
Five years later,
Evening falls on the medical center.
It takes one to know, what I mean.
On my way to a PET CT.
I was thinking, I’d be on my way, to
5 years CURED.
Results will arrive in 10 working days.
It’s Independence Day in Israel next week.
Only one day after Memorial Day.
My body reActs badly to the Hospital SmeLLs.
The visions are familiar and carry nausea and fatigue.
I am Detached.
I am RadioActive.
Don’t open your EYES.
Imagine you are in an open field.
Ten working days. Excluding memories.
I am not Afraid, neither Certain.
Innocent, until proven guilty.
THE SOUNDTRACK (Kids choice)
Part of me wished for a heroic death:
It was my HAIR
And I was George Berger !
Going to a war I never chose,
Wearing smells from laboratories
Facing a dying option…
That very same night, I wrote a note to self:
Giving up is NOT an Option
This note stayed on top of my board for 3 years.
Let the Sunshine in.
I was born and raised in Israel, (7th generation on my father’s side). I am the daughter of a writer and a writer myself, I define myself in Hebrew.
I don’t think that my English is a total disgrace, I read hundreds of English pages every day, my work is being done mainly in English, lately, I even find myself thinking in English, it is just that Hebrew is so much more generous to me…
Hebrew offers me synonyms and metaphors and word-plays, it is a tool I can create worlds with, and then tare them apart, while my English is lackluster and well, dull. Not to mention my grammar…
So for almost 3 years, I shut up (mostly) and read a lot. I worked like crazy to figure and establish the site I was missing and dreaming about, and now, I feel it’s time I shared my journey.
When I was sick, I promised myself I will never be ashamed to do anything I want to do. So I’ve decided to let go of the hang ups and start writing, and the only way this specific story can be told, is in my own voice – even if it is damaged and imperfect… guess what?! So is my breast…
I really hope you will join this ride, and please, pardon my English…