We are living in a world obsessed with breasts
Angelina Jolie and myself (!) on the cover of Haaretz Magazine
5 Years. No evidence of tumor
Apparently, I have NO Cancer.
I can insure my life again, if I want to.
It’s 5 years since my Diagnosis,
and my MRI results say,
that my spine is a mass,
But, apparently,
I have NO Cancer.
The return of IT
As an OPTION
The returning to The Smells & The Sights & The Sounds
Are still totally ALIVE
in my Body.
The Fear.
I thought I’d continue everything, that I anyway do
I thought I might try first, other Treatment Methods
I thought of my KIDS
I thought of my Hair
I thought of all my metastatic friends.
I knew it was not a life sentence.
And only then, when I felt I was ready for it all,
I opened the envelope,
that I brought home, 51 minutes before.
It seems that my spine is a mass,
but
IT IS NOT CANCER!!!!
Hallelujah!
Thanks God for AFTER TREATMENT.
[Now I can go back to treating my spine and all my other After Treatment symptoms: my joints, my skin, my concentration, my memory, my teeth, my gums, my sleep, my awaiting reconstruction no. 4]
And finally, a little tale with a moral: My Grandma, (who died of Breast and Ovarian Cancer at the age of 58) used to say: Got, shrek mich, uber shtroof mich nicht…
which is in Yiddish: God, scare me, but don’t punish…
And though I don’t believe that punishment and guilt, have anything to do with cancer, I find the fact that SHREK is eventually a nice Jewish guy, worth spreading…
5 years later
Five years later,
Same corridor.
Evening falls on the medical center.
It takes one to know, what I mean.
On my way to a PET CT.
I was thinking, I’d be on my way, to
5 years CURED.
Maybe…
Results will arrive in 10 working days.
It’s Independence Day in Israel next week.
Only one day after Memorial Day.
My body reActs badly to the Hospital SmeLLs.
The visions are familiar and carry nausea and fatigue.
I am Detached.
I am RadioActive.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Don’t open your EYES.
Imagine you are in an open field.
Think Positive.
Don’t think.
We’re done.
Ten working days. Excluding memories.
I am not Afraid, neither Certain.
Innocent, until proven guilty.
Inhale. Exhale.
The SHAVE Take 1
MY KIDS.
MY VERY BEST FRIEND.
ONE ELECTRIC RAZOR.
ME & MY CANCER are going P U B L I C
THE SOUNDTRACK (Kids choice)
Part of me wished for a heroic death:
It was my HAIR
And I was George Berger !
Going to a war I never chose,
Wearing smells from laboratories
Facing a dying option…
That very same night, I wrote a note to self:
Giving up is NOT an Option
This note stayed on top of my board for 3 years.
Let the Sunshine in.
Thanks(for)Giving
- Thoughts and Wishes for Thanksgiving
(following this week’s #BCSM‘s Live chat on Acceptance and Shiri’s Life Sentence)
The biggest change CANCER made in
My Mind
Is the presence of
Death
As an existing Possibility
at any Given MOMENT.
LIVING
With That Presence
makes me
LIVE
each day to it’s fullest.
Do I thank Cancer !?
CANCER
has made
ME
A WOMAN ON A MISSION
IT had made ME become
The Woman I would want to be
If I had only let myself Dream that far…
It MOTIVATED Me.
It Exposed Me to MORE
LOVE & Generosity
One can ever IMAGINE
cancer had taught me the power of Social Media, it exposed me to So Much Knowledge, Needs, Concerns, And A HUGH InterNational, InterCultural, InetrRaccial Growing Community of Under Seen & Heard Women, That need A revolution, and So many of them, whom are Determined to CHANGE the WORLD.
Do I thank Cancer !?
I Accept it.
Cancer forces you to face the fact, that This Life,
is the Only 1 ONE can Live.
Reality Is the Only Option,
And Therefor, it better be
The Best.
H A P P Y T H A N K S G I V I N G TO A L L
And Some Peace & Quite to ALL of us, in the Middle East
Rapunzel
At first, ALL I could think about, were THE CHILDREN
then,
The thought of DEATH went through my head
But, from the moment it reached there, whenever I thought of myself,
It was ALL
about my
HAIR
For 6 weeks -
The time between my diagnosis and the beginning of chemotherapy -
I had only
Great HAIR Days.
I woke up with the WEirdeSt head ace EVER
It felt as if someone was pulling
Each
Hair
s e p a r a t e l y .
It was Exactly 2 weeks, after my 1st Chemo.
Exactly the way THEY said it would be.
Next Day was
my
SHAVING DAY
